I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We talked him into tasing himself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
