Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
