also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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