we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
