just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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