ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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