Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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