Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
