Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
