Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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