I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize