So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
