benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
