This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
