Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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