The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
