Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
