Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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