I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
