Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
