chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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