Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
