Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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