You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she looked like the before picture.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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