You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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