I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
