no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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