yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
