I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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