he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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