Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
