??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
