I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
