I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
