You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
