I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
