I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize