when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
