I cannot find my penis.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
