I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The adults are the big ones right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
