I intend to get homeless drunk
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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