i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
