oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
