I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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