He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
