I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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