the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
