they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
