Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
