hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
