not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
