I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
