you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
