Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
