this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
