You're my little dorito
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
