I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
