Don't make out with my wife yet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize