you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
