I'm gonna have a badass scar
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
