Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
