so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
