Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
