I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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