Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
