You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
